Now, you remember some of these shots from a chichi neighborhood in the South End. I took them the day before yesterday. The “method” of putting rubbish on the curb that you see in the pictures is the rule in the South End, not the exception:

Today is rubbish day in my little corner of Dot, so I hopped on my trusty bike, and took a tour of the neighborhood. Here’s what I saw:

This is the rule on rubbish day, not the exception, in my neck of the woods.

I know you guys are sick of this, but I just can’t help myself. The irony of it all is too rich. And “rich” is the operative word. You pay half a million bucks for a cramped condo in the South End, and then it looks like this out front a day-and-a-half a week.

But I want to be clear about something. When you throw your trash out on the sidewalk in front of your half million dollar condo it ceases to be about you. I know it’s hard to see that it’s not ALL about YOU, but try. It becomes an eye-sore and a public health issue for ME.

This was in a really lovely little neighborhood, and while I was snapping my photos I saw a neatly dressed little yuppy woman come out of her building with two little plastic grocery bags full of rubbish that she very conscientiously placed on the big pile of plastic and paper bags already on the curb (there are several violations of city rubbish codes in the pictures, by the way–see if you can find ‘em all!) I could tell by the way she did it sort of tentatively in front of a stranger that she was a little ashamed. And she should be. Because it IS a shame. I oinked at her and snapped a few more pics while she called 9-1-1 on her cell.

Sometimes you get the feeling they think the rest of us don’t see it. Or that the rest of us just magically disappear when not in their sights, so it doesn’t matter anyway. But we’re still here! And we see you! AND your garbage all over the sidewalk!

Is this really, honestly, acceptable to you? If not, why not take the initiative and do something about it? Think of the unholy stink the South End Historical Society raises every time some poor sod wants to put a birdbath or something in his tiny little front garden thingy. It has to pass through twelve zoning committees and be assessed and certified by at least three experts from Antiques Roadshow. And yet you guys can’t come up with a simple solution to this shameful rubbish situation?

Well, here it is, bitches:

They come in a variety of sizes, they are a not unpleasing in shape or color, and they should be required for each and every building in the South End. Put your building’s address on it, because anyone without one is gonna get fined. See, simple.

I mean, enough already. I’m sick of looking at your garbage. And I’m sick of waiting for you to figure out how to deal with a simple problem. I mean, how many South End yuppies does it take to screw in a freakin lightbulb?

Everything you see, with the small exception of the Whole Foods paper bags in the center shot, is up to code, by the way.

So I was riding through the South End on my way back to Dot yesterday, and, lucky for me, it was the day before garbage collection and I happened to have my camera on me. I have wanted to record for the world, and for posterity, what the view from a million dollar condo in the South End is like two days out of the week:

Gorgeous, innit?

And this is a random sampling. I didn’t have to go looking for torn bags and rubbish strewn about. It’s all over the South End. Now, I don’t live in the South End, myself, but I still find this scene utterly atrocious and shameful for a city that insists it has some kind of class.

Last year I did a little investigating, and found that new “rubbish rules” had been issued in 2002. Unfortunately, this is one of those meaningless actions government takes so that they can say they’ve addressed an issue, when in fact they have done nothing to solve it.

The “new rubbish rules,” first implemented in 2002, and renewed in ’05, state that “There must be sufficient metal or durable plastic barrels for storing of refuse generated in building.” But on the next line, the compact says: “Disposable 2-ply [or heavier] plastic bags may be used instead of trash barrels for curbside trash collection.” This translates roughly to: “throw your trash out the window onto the sidewalk and street. Make sure it is strewn about all over the area in front of the building.”

There is absolutely no point in saying in the first breath that you should have adequate metal and durable plastic containers, and then in the next that you can substitute plastic bags for them, if you wish. Obviously—I mean, just look at the pictures—plastic bags don’t work.

Now, when I’ve brought this up with residents, they kvetch that if they spring for a trash can somebody will steal it. Or, where are they gonna store it? Or what’s to stop the rag pickers from digging through trash cans and tossing out the contents, too?

OK, so live in filth two days a week in your beautiful million dollar brownstone, and pretend that your neighborhood doesn’t look like Fresh Kills. Trash? What trash? Why, I don’t see any trash!

But this is not only a civic issue, a quality of life issue, and an issue of people pussying out on the challenges of urban living, of efficient and effective waste disposal, it’s fundamentally a public health and safety issue. And other cities have dealt with it, and dispose of their waste with some dignity. We’d do well to emulate them.

The first thing you have to do, though, is admit you have a problem.

It really is part and parcel of a public culture that takes little or no real interest or responsibility for its public spaces. I mean, seriously, how can you spend seven-hundred-fifty grand for a tiny condo in the South End, and live waste-deep in garbage two days of the week, every week, all year round? And still have that South End attitude, to boot?

We should start with more stringent recycling regulations. No more of this la-tee-da! Do I feel like recycling today? Look at it like this: the fewer recyclables you have in your garbage, the less likely those looking for recyclables in your garbage are going to be to find them, and the less often they find them, the less often they’ll come back looking for them, and after not finding them at all, they’ll stop looking altogether. Trust me. If we can train pigeons with “negative rewards” we can train the neighborhood rag-pickers.

That’s a start, but barely.

Cutting down on food waste is another thing. When you throw out large amounts of food, once your garbage has been riffled through for recyclables, the next wave will be animals and people rooting around in them for food. Use your garbage disposal, or make a concerted effort to cut down on food waste.

But for a comprehensive solution, the city has to get involved. What’s needed are uniform waste disposal containers, provided by/purchased from the city. The containers should be fitted specifically to refuse-collection trucks. Containers and trucks that go together like this are infinitely more sanitary than the anything we have on our streets today. They are also infinitely more efficient.

At the very least, rubbish disposal should be systematized, which means as little variation on a theme, as few individual options as possible. Another thing it would be infinitely easier to do with a better system is fine offenders. It’s a city government’s dream.

But here’s the thing. The city doesn’t give a shit, because as far as it knows, it’s citizens don’t give a shit. Maybe there’s a rumbling every now and again. But this situation has been the norm for so long now, that we seem to think it’s normal. It’s not. But the rule is: you’re willing—even eager—to live on a garbage heap, they’re certainly willing to let you.

When I sent my letter to Commissioner Casazza last year pointing out the need for a change in the “rubbish rules” themselves, I got a rapid reply from an underling that read: “Please contact Code Enforcement with this issue at 617 635-4896. They will send an inspector out and possibly fine the responsible parties.” The problem was, of course, precisely that no one was in violation of any code, and that, still, there was rubbish all over the sidewalk.

But it’s good to know they have some bureaucrats sitting around waiting to fill out the appropriate paperwork, generating more rubbish, should any violators of the virtually nonexistent rubbish rules ever actually be found.