Now, you had to sign up upon entering the meeting room in order to speak on the record. This put people who were locked out of the room (because the MBTA had booked a small one, and it was filled to capacity) at a slight disadvantage, since, once they were finally let in, the sign-up period was over–and even if they had wanted to, by the time their names were called it would have been well past eight o’clock (the meeting ran to about seven-thirty, the sign language interpreters had been booked until 6:30, and left promptly at that time, I myself left a little after seven). I mention all this because, again, I want to echo Senator Jarrett Barrios’ observation that everything about the hearing was cynical.

Once the testimony of non-elected officials was underway, the MBTA representative in charge announced that he would spell everyone’s name, to ensure that none would be mispronounced. The first name on his list was “b-e-a-c-o-n”. And as promised he did not venture to pronounce it, such was his commitment to impartiality.

The T, conscientious as always about the feelings of their customers, did not wish to offend anyone by mispronouncing a difficult name, or anyone else by not spelling an easy one and just pronouncing it instead. I mean, how would you feel if you had a name like Smith and the chairman didn’t bother to spell it like he did Bhreitheamhnaigh? You’d feel neglected. Admit it. So it was actually very thoughtful of the T. We have, of course, come to expect nothing but the most deferential treatment from them, so it should surprise no one.

The aforementioned B-E-A-C-O-N, of The Greater Boston Group of the Sierra Club, shocked the assembly by praising the MBTA on the proposed policy for free intermodal transfers, which he said would bring the T in line, finally, with national transit systems, farewise. He said the new policy on transfers, coupled with the decrease in the cost of the monthly OnePass, which will take the place of combos, and will be good for the entire system, “may for those people utilizing the services and for those services impacted, actually result in an increase in ridership, and an increase in revenues, [which] was the case in New Yawk City…. That needs to be retained.”

Stunned silence. This audience was out for blood, and B-E-A-C-O-N was being a little too namby-pamby with the enemy. In order not to get strung up himself, B-E-A-C-O-N tossed us a bone, advising against surcharges, because “the whole issue…is very confusing to people.” And I certainly don’t disagree.

But he really won the crowd back with his spot-on assessment of the T’s funky fares to date. He said, come on, as for fares, “let’s start with a dollar on buses, because in reality, during the last fare increase when they raised the bus fare to ninety cents, who has ninety cents?”

“Amen!”

“Speak it brutha!”

“Testify!”

He went on: “People just paid a dollar. So let’s take it into consideration that the bus fare has really been a dollar. So let’s keep it a dollar.”

B-E-A-C-O-N was cool with the subway fare, and having gone into overtime (each non-elected official speaking was officially allotted three minutes to say their piece), he hurriedly demanded that “the money that goes into the system from the riders of the system must flow equitably back out into the neighborhoods.”

He then put in a plug for Dudley Station, to wild applause.

After a brief pause in the action, the chairman called a Miss M-A-Y-E-R, who complained that the information in the fare restructuring handbook was not entirely decipherable by the layman. Miss M-A-Y-E-R was followed by a Mr. P-R-E-S-T-O-N, who was displeased with the new senior fares. From 25¢ presently to 40¢ for buses and from 35¢ to 50¢ for subway. Mr. P-R-E-S-T-O-N was also unhappy about the proposal to start charging outbound riders on the green line, a position which was echoed later by a droning BC student, and with which I have absolutely no sympathy. There are no free rides in this life, people. I am jumping ahead here, but the BC student lamented that the fare effectively cut BC off from Boston so that it might as well be called Chestnut Hill College instead. So be it. It’s a prettier name, anyway.

After Mr. P-R-E-S-T-O-N concluded his remarks, a Mystery Lady in an afro spoke of an instance of sexual harassment on an MBTA bus by its driver. A cover-up and conspiracy had ensued. Details were not presented to the assembly, and the Mystery Lady was politely asked to desist by the chairman, who felt that the forum was inappropriate for a discussion of her case. She concluded by warning the assembly, somewhat ominously, that “No one has the right to sexually harass me.” She then left the hall without event, so far as this reporter could tell, but you never know.

A Mr. B-I-L-L-I-N-G was called next to speak, and spoke about “efficiency goals.” He had obviously given a great deal of thought to how a system of merit pay could be implemented at the T, but the crowd was still under the strange spell of the Mystery Lady, and his excitement, while clearly merited by his slogan: “identify, innovate and implement,” unfortunately failed to capture the assembly’s imagination. One comment drew appreciative hmms, however. When he mentioned the green line’s obvious limitations in boarding and deboarding riders. It is, inarguably, a logistical nightmare.

Mr. B-I-L-L-I-N-G went on a good deal more, and in such minute detail, about his program for reform that one was led to wonder, why on earth Mr. B-I-L-L-I-N-G, a not unhandsome young man, had so much time on his hands (I know, I should talk), and if it wouldn’t be more productively spent popping pills, smoking crystal meth, getting multiple piercings and tattoos in out-of-the-way places on his body, at all hours of the night, and spending his days passed out in the Fenway.