Well, you knew it was only a matter of time before the Rapturistas started praying for the bird flu. We all are, aren’t we? Secretly, I mean. (Check out Bob’s bird flu fantasy HERE.)

So we here at T-Rage, in conjunction with Back Bay Bob, have developed the sticker above to, in Bob’s words (not mine), “slap on these sadsacks schlubbing around everywhere, sucking up air. Something to indicate to infected birds who to dive-bomb first.”

What Bob means is: we hope Rapturistas will wear this badge with pride. It may even become a way for them to meet, date, and spread the deadly virus without having to resort to costly and inefficient internet services like adammeetsteve.com. It won’t be long before we hear inspirational stories from First-Wavers who found true love via avian influenza.

For others, some of them not Rapturistas at all (phlegm-spewing T-commuters who sneeze and cough without covering their pox-laden snot-holes, for example–a full list will be available soon at your local Bird Flu HQ) it will be a badge of shame. But that can’t be helped. It’s much too late for niceties: we are at war, people, and it is the End of Days.

We’re trying to get federal funding (from the Faith-based Initiatives till) to print up roughly 150 million stickers, as Doctor Tim LeHaye, author of the Left Behind series of books on the Rapture says we should not be surprised if “well over fifty percent” of the population of the US is raptured, possibly by avian influenza.

“Think about it,” he writes in his newsletter, Pre-Trib Perspectives (and, no, I am NOT making this shit up). “If 50 or more percent of the doctors, nurses, teachers, craftsmen and workers from all walks of life including military personnel from every branch of service were suddenly missing - that would be a devastating blow to the American economy and way of life. Into that leadership vacuum that the rapture may cause, the world would be vulnerable to domination by Germany and France, both socialist forms of government with weak leaders or a globalist organization that would propose equality of nations. A perfect setup for the Man of Sin to move in and take over.” Or the WOman of Sin (hint: initials HRC).

Some, like Reverend George Zeller, of the Middletown Bible Church, think Dr. LeHaye’s estimates are much too generous, pointing out that “it’s one thing to profess Christ and it’s quite another thing to possess Christ.” Reverend Zeller reminds us that “God is not saving the world.” God is grabbing up his favorites and then destroying the world.

Bird Flu is only the beginning of His glorious plan.