The other day I saw a very good-looking, well-dressed buppie around my age picking his nose on the T. It wasn’t this quick, sort of surreptitious swipe you see occasionally. It was brazen, almost defiant. But what I admired most about the gesture was his technique. He used his pinkie finger, which gave the whole procedure a refined, even dainty air, making the activity seem almost cultured.

Of course we have laws—in the form of social taboos—meant to discourage rhinotillexis (the clinical term for nose-picking). In fact, we have taboos against all such extractions and bodily emissions. Anything that comes out of the body, from mucus to menstrual blood, from saliva to semen, even our exhalations are taboo. Solids, fluids, gasses, doesn’t matter. (See Wm. Ian Miller’s The Anatomy of Disgust for an interesting, if occasionally misguided, discussion of all of them—I have to disagree with his conclusion that semen is the most polluting bodily substance, when it’s well-known all traditional societies have explicit taboos for menstrual blood, and very few have any such taboos for semen—but I have discussed this elsewhere).

At any rate, this much is clear: anything that’s been inside somebody else, we don’t want to have much if anything to do with. With pretty good reason, I would say. Especially on the T.

Now I am not in the practice of discussing rhinotillexis ordinarily, but you knew it had to come up here at some point. Let me be very clear about this: while I do not condone nose-picking, I understand that it is sometimes necessary. I know it seems, in some cases, the most efficient and effective manner of extracting dried mucus, which may be obstructing nasal passages. But beware: it can be dangerous, too. According to the experts at damninteresting.com:

“If the skin inside the nose is broken while picking away, the veins in that region are situated in such a way that sometimes an infection can migrate inward to the base of the brain and inhibit the blood flow, a serious condition known as cavernous sinus thrombosis. This condition can also be caused by squeezing zits on or around the nose. Because of these risks, the triangular area of the face from the corners of the mouth to the bridge of the nose is referred to in the medical community as the ‘danger triangle of the face.’”

And of course, regardless of its efficacy, efficiency, or the strange, inexplicable pleasure and pride people seem to get from producing all manner of bodily substances and noxious emissions, no one wants to see you do it. It can have a negative impact on your social standing. Some adults, perhaps because they were too enthusiastically encouraged in their potty-training days, still seem to think there is something marvelously fascinating or funny about their bodily functions. All I can say is it’s a pity your fondest childhood memories took place on the potty. It is a very fine line, parents. Encourage your children to dispose properly of their bodily waste, but do it in a businesslike way. To be sure, mastery is a praise-worthy accomplishment, but it’s not like winning the World Series. Calm down.

As always, there is a larger issue. Knowing the negative impact of public rhinotillexis, why on earth do otherwise respectable people, who obviously put a premium on appearances, do it where they are sure to be seen? It’s the paradox of public spaces at work again. People feel liberated in their assumed anonymity to do things that they would not do in front of anyone they knew. This, too, is a social problem of epidemic proportions, and our society encourages it. With ipods and a host of products that force the private into the public realm, and subordinate public mores to private whims, people have forgotten what manners are for.

Think of that horrifying ad from Amp’d Mobile where this geeky guy with a foreign accent’s on the bus, and he’s controlling everyone. He points to a big black guy and a skinny little old man and says, “you and you: fight!” They go at each other. Next he turns to a skinny white guy sitting with a boombox on his lap, and says, “you: turn the radio up!” And the guy turns it up. Then he turns to a black woman with a big bottom. “You: shake your junk!” She gets up, grabs a pole and shakes her ass. He turns to two conservatively dressed women. “You two: make out.” And, of course, they go at it with gusto. The message: “Have the power to entertain yourself.” God help us.

But this isn’t really so much of a stretch–you already see it to some extent in the way people behave in public, as if those around them are somehow less real than they themselves are. If they could control them for their own entertainment they surely would.

So what does this have to do with picking your nose in public? Well, we’re as real as anyone else in your little world, and we don’t want to see it any more than they do. So cut it out.